How to Stop Feeling Guilty. You Deserve to Eat What You Like

Everybody eats.

So, what’s the point of feeling guilty about it? Life is hard enough without judging every little thing you put in your mouth.

It’s doubly hard when you judge other people for what they eat because then you feel guilty about that, too.

And yet, food guilt seems like a normal thing that everyone just does. You might even think it’s something everyone should do.

You know, just to keep yourself in line.

It’s in our language. It’s in the way we talk about indulging in some rich and sumptuous meal. It’s in our pronouncements of “guilty pleasures,” or “I’m going to be bad today,” as we sheepishly order dessert.

We’ve been so good we tell ourselves, that we deserve this one transgression.

We’ll be good again tomorrow.

The price of pleasure, we tell ourselves, is to feel bad about it.

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Human nutrition is fascinating and complex making it hard to distill into easily assimilated absolutes. Although well-intended, non-diet messaging is often reduced to cute, disarming phrases that amount to little more than platitudes aimed at calming fear and cognitive unease. Moreover, rather than offering a path to the truth, these phrases appeal to a dieter’s binary, or black-and-white, thinking and do little to challenge their real concerns and misperceptions of reality.

For example, imagine you’re going through a tough time and someone tells you, “Such is life,” or “Everything happens for a reason.” Is that actually helpful? Or is it just putting a little temporary salve on the wound? Without a truly wise and empathetic follow-up, such trite expressions fall flat and can even make us feel worse.

The same goes with phrases like “Your body can’t tell time.” The anxious eater desperately wants to put it in a box by asking, “So, can our body tell time or not? It’s one or the other.” Actually, it’s far more nuanced than that.

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A quick google search produces hundreds of results related to “intuitive eating,” the 10 principles, some how-tos, and success stories. As important as these points are in understanding the mechanics of this food philosophy, they don’t always give a felt sense of what it’s like to eat in a natural way.

In the simplest terms, intuitive eating means using your body’s feedback to guide your eating decisions. It’s something that happens, not something you control. It’s instinctual, ancient, and primal, yet highly sophisticated in its balance of hormone-driven cues and pleasure-driven rewards. It is basic human physiology in collaboration with both the rational and emotional minds.

Yes, it’s the name of an awesome book and proven system to help people get off the diet train, but intuitive eating is something deeper, something truly valuable. Once you get it back, you don’t ever want to give it up again. You will protect it at all costs.

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Using a Recovery Meal Plan to Transition from Diet Plans

I know how you feel about trying a recovery meal plan. But they serve an important purpose.

They can ease the transition from restrictive or chaotic eating and make it safe to start listening to our bodies again.

It’s shockingly easy to forget how to eat intuitively, even after just a few months of a restrictive diet. And starting to trust your body again can be a little scary.

Diets don’t just deprive us of food, they also deny us choice and self-trust when making food decisions.

The diet tells you when to eat, making your hunger cues irrelevant.

It tells you how much to eat, making your fullness cues moot.

It tells you what to eat, and more sinisterly, what not to eat, snuffing out the final flame on your inner intuitive eater.

But how are you supposed to just drop all the rules and restrictions and start listening to your body again?

It’s easy to get overwhelmed by food decisions. So how do we answer the question, “What should I eat?”

Whether it’s the absurd abundance of options available at home or in the workplace or it’s that our options seem limited and nothing sounds good, we tend to rationalize the heck out of deciding what to actually eat.

Either way, the problem is that the rational mind alone doesn’t do a great job of feeding the body. Sadly, the mind is often awash with rules and “shoulds” that interfere with the part of us that truly does know what to eat: the body itself.

The ultimate goal of eating intuitively and mindfully is to be attuned to our bodies’ internal cues and sensations in order to use this information when making food decisions. We temper this feedback with the knowledge of the rational mind when necessary.

But this isn’t always easy to do. Read on for some common decision-making struggles I hear from my clients in eating recovery. I’ll give clues to the origin of these fears and offer some strategies to overcome them.

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Part three in my series for getting back to basics for building a solid eating recovery.

At a party recently, I got cornered by a guest who wanted to educate me on the truth about nutrition, evidently having gleaned said truth from the latest food-scare propaganda flick. This happens sometimes when people find out I’m a dietitian. “Which do you think is better for you,” he asked, no doubt sensing my skepticism, “Soy milk or cow’s milk?”

I knew this was a trap. “Well,” I started, “both have their potential benefits, so it depends on an individual’s situation and preferences.”  Dissatisfied, the guy countered with something to the effect of, “Yeah, but cancer!”  I paused, choosing my words carefully. I looked at him for a moment and said, “I think that as long as a person eats a variety of nutritious foods and eats them in moderation, there’s little danger of getting too much or too little of anything.” I offered him a bite of my cheese. Continue Reading →

Part two in my series on getting back to basics for building a solid eating recovery.

When I first met Daisy, she was pretty fed up with trying to eat intuitively. “I eat when I’m hungry, I stop when I’m full, but I’m still plagued with these cravings everyday,” she lamented. Daisy had been dieting routinely for the past 15 years. Her weight had cycled up and down. She was still within her healthy weight range, but felt that it wasn’t her natural weight, the weight she expected if she were eating more intuitively.

There are no promises of weight loss with intuitive eating. In fact, using intuitive eating with the express intention for weight loss (even if it is only a secret hope) will probably get in the way of connecting with your intuition altogether. It’s like meditating. Once you use the practice to achieve something or to get somewhere, you have completely missed the point. What’s more, without laying a good foundation for your new eating approach, it will be too easy to slip back into old patterns and behaviors. Continue Reading →

Part one in my series on getting back to basics for building a solid eating recovery.

Emotional eating. It’s so taboo. It conjures visions of pathetic women in their jammies eating ice cream straight from the tub while watching The Notebook, Kleenex box at hand, right after a bad break-up. No one wants to be that girl. So shameful.

And yet so human. From the soothing received at the breast or bottle to the urge to celebrate with a special dinner, we are all emotional eaters to some degree. As much as we may want to extricate our emotions from this most fundamental act, to do so denies our very humanity. Without this connection, we, as a species, would have been far less motivated to eat and proliferate.

While it can seem fairly straightforward to know what emotional eating is (using food or restricting food in order to suppress or numb emotions), it is more tricky to understand what it isn’t. In my practice, I often see clients who believe they are emotional eaters, but appear to have something else going on. Take Emily a 20-something grad student, for example. “I just can’t stop eating emotionally!” she complained on her first visit, “When I’m stressed, I eat. When I’m bored, I eat. When I eat certain foods, I feel so guilty I have to do something to fix it or I’ll go crazy!”

Easy diagnosis, right? Not so fast. Continue Reading →